the i diet
recently deep throat forwarded an email to me..a self-aggrandizing essay justifying the authors past actions..the authors self-sacrifice for wonderland..the need for more rules..ya-da ya-da ya-da..but what jumped out was the use of the word i..almost every sentence on the first page began with the word. it was kinda like fleas..you never see just one..more like..mildred..is that a flea on wheezer..sweet mother of god..where did all these come from..go find that old can of ddt we never threw away.
so the thought occurred..could one carry on a conversation..write an email..or a blog without using the word…you know this would be a lot cooler if the shift key on the ol dell worked and the word could be capitalized..of course the emailers computer had its own problems with spell check. the ol dell has spell check with the vocabulary of a retarded monkey…remember 2001 a space odyssey..the hal 9000..now there was a computer..right up until it killed off the crew except for keir dullea..dave…whoa…theres poor dave on the back side of jupiter..heading for uranus….who the heck came up with that name for a planet..mental note..future blog…anyway dave is all by himself..about as far from humanity as the back side of east nashville..with a crazy computer thats trying to kill him..and further more the hal 9000 talks to him..
when the ol dell starts talkin its goin under the back tire of big d.s scenic-cruiser van…ker cruncho..but poor ol dave has to put his space suit on and go into the computer bay and one by one pull hals memory modules..all the time you can hear dave breathing…pafooooooosh…..pafooooooosh..and in between breathes you can practically hear the sweat run down his back…and hal keeps saying..dave..what are you doing dave..pafoooooosh…and finally right before hal dies he starts singing daisy..talk about the giving you the willies.
but heres the thing a computer like hal would probably have a pretty good spell check and would probably tell you when you have over used the word...hey you narcissistic meatball..lighten up on the word. now that would be great..as long as the damn thing didnt try to kill you.
so the challenge is to go on the word diet…keep track of how many times you use the word..try to cut down..maybe you will listen more and talk less. dare you..double dog dare you.
so thats it..the whole blog..not one..except for the initial reference…see it can be done.
and i am amazing.